SISTERS



Sometimes I get so tired of the crazy obsession with individualism in the West. "Never let go of your true self." "Never let anyone else change you." "Be exactly who you have always been." "Don't try to be like anyone else." It all sounds pretty lonely to me.
When I was little I wanted to be just like my sister, Becca. She wanted to be like a boy. Skirts? Out of the question. Dolls? Disgusting. Pink? You've got to be kidding me. Dirt? The more the better. Sports? The only thing worth playing. Blue and red? The best!
Was I denying my "true" self, maybe a little. When I was at friends' houses by myself we would pull out the Barbies and play for 16 hours straight.
Did I grow up with a best friend and a playmate? Yes. We played army in the woods for hours. We would take on any boys on the basketball court that would dare to challenge us. We had a blast with our slug races and mud pies.
Maybe I missed out on a little bit of princess play and pink tutu dancing, but I was still me. I was a better me because I wasn't playing in a corner by myself being an "individual". 

Frog Hunting

I wrote a big ol' blog a few days ago - it was deep - real deep.

So, when I tried to publish, it disappeared. So here goes another
practice run - the tradition of this blog is just trying to figure out
how the heck to do the simple stuff.

The ground surrounding the lake we camped at this weekend was covered
in frogs. Clara held at least 4 in her hand at a time. I think there was
some suffering involved, but Jake made me hold my tongue and let her do her thing. He doesn't want her to be a woose like me. 

henry o! 2 months old!
For some reason I am always singing a song to Henry to the
tune of Davey Crocket. "Henry, Henry Owen king of the wild frontier...
Henry, Henry Owen dun dun dun dun dun dun..."
this is all I know - anyone know how this song goes?

Favorite Clara quote today...
"Mommy, I'm going to miss you when I grow up and be a mommy." 

mama

mama

Today I had some moments with my adorable little Henry and I started singing a song Jake and I wrote on the way home to Powers with our tiny little Clara 3 years ago.

you're so sweet - like a frozent treat
like an ice cream cone on the way back home
double scoop - mocha almond fudge - chocolate espresso bean
you're my dairy queen (king)
you scream and i scream we all scream for ice cream

Anyway, I have to say that the third time with a little munchkin does have new meaning - I cherish the little innocent smiles and cooing more because I know that there are a lot of rough times ahead!

These past couple of weeks have definitely been the hardest parenting times I've had - emotionally anyway. Lack of sleep I can handle, breastfeeding every couple of hours and not being able to go anywhere on my own is ok, changing diapers left and right, cutting every food item up into tiny pieces all day - all of this is no problem. But the crazy emotional roller coaster of a 2 and 3 year old with all of their needs and desires and willfulness have been steamrolling me right into the pavement!

I feel like I make hundreds of mistakes a day and as I crawl into bed each night I have all kinds of new things I am going to try the next day to help things be a little more peaceful. "Tomorrow, no matter what they do, how crazy they get - I will not let my emotions get sucked into it, I will remain calm and even tempered and loving." Well, I am working on that "all time best mothering skill there is."

I really want to set boundaries for my kids in a loving and kind way, but I know that most importantly I have got to keep setting the boundaries no matter how hard they press them and try to break down my resistance. It would be so easy to just let them rule the house, eat what they want, sleep when they want and yell "NO!" at me when they want... but that is definitely not the point of parenting - being easy I mean. Making it easy has nothing to do with it...

On Saturday I had a few hours to myself (with Henry of course). So I read little bits of all kinds of parenting books at Borders and here is my favorite quote from one lady that wrote in to Dr. Laura...

"The number one worst thing my parents (more so my mother)
did that caused me difficulty was to never let me feel anything
but happy. Everything I did was perfect - I was never disciplined,
never spanked, never told "no," never grounded, never made to
do my homework. There were always excuses for me and blame
was placed elsewhere. I lived with unrealistic expectations and
perceptions of who I was...I eventually became very angry...to
the point of violence."

So even as I look down at my lovely little boy, I don't have hopes that he will be perfect and easy (I would like him to be human), I just hope that I can do my best to show him he is loved and to teach him how to love people and love God.


mama